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How To Talk About Anal Sex: Convince Her To Have Anal

Many men enjoy it ,but convincing your girlfriend or wife to have anal sex may be a challenge. So how do you fulfill this fantasy if your partner is against it? First things first: talk it over. Find out exactly what makes her hesitant to try it and then see what you can do to belie her fears. Once you’ve done that, the next step to convincing your girlfriend or wife to have anal sex is to address the following issues.

Pain vs. pleasure

Many women only try anal sex once and then swear it off for life. This is usually because their first attempt was painful. If your girl has had a bad anal experience, it’ll be tough to get her to try it again. Even if she’s never tried it, she’s likely heard horror stories from others. Unless your girl has a masochistic streak, pain is not on her agenda when it comes to getting off.

The anus is nerve-packed and with the right kind of stimulation, anal play can feel amazing. Unfortunately, the same cluster of nerves responsible for the pleasure can also transmit feelings of pain and discomfort if your technique is off. When convincing your girlfriend to have anal sex, you must show your concern for her pleasure and safety by sharing your responsible and well-thought-out plan.

Perfecting the setting

First of all, she needs to be relaxed and prepared; anal sex is not suited for a quickie. The anus will tighten if she is nervous, which will make it hard for you to get in and more painful for her. If it’s her very first time, you need to make a big deal about getting her ready. Pick a time and place where she can be relaxed and away from any extra stressors. Make sure you won’t be interrupted.

You probably already know what really turns her on, so whether it’s a bubble bath and a massage or hardcore porn and costumes, have your tools at the ready. Getting her aroused is of the utmost importance.

Getting started

Do not skip straight to the butt. Instead, take your time with foreplay and make sure she’s into it before focusing your attention on your desired destination. Then, start her off slowly by using your mouth, fingers and/or sex toys to stimulate her anal opening before your penis comes anywhere near it. You might even want to just use smaller toys and your fingers until she gets used to the idea of having something inside that particular opening.

Use lube — lots of lube. Unlike the vaginal opening, the anus does not create its own lubrication; you’ll need to use plenty of artificial wetness to ensure a smooth ride.

Going in

First of all, use a condom for anal sex. Because of the increased chances of small tears in the anal cavity during anal sex, it is easier to transmit several sexually transmitted diseases and infections, including HIV and hepatitis C.

Next, lube up. You want it to be as slippery as possible for an easier entrance.

Proceed slowly and ask her to let you know if it starts to hurt. When she winces, ease back before continuing. The hardest part will be getting the head of your penis past the sphincter, which will naturally tense up to prevent entry (this is why you started with all that relaxation). Do not force yourself through when this happens; just continue to shallowly penetrate in and out with the tip of your penis. Once you feel it begin to let go a little, gently push the head past the sphincter. You’ll feel a distinct difference once the head is inside. The sphincter will continue to constrict tightly around the shaft of your penis, but inside it will have more room. Some men find this sensation confusing and it is not unusual to lose your erection at this point. This doesn’t necessarily mean you don’t want to or can’t do it; your penis just needs time to adjust to the new experience.

Now, the hardest part is over for you and for her, but you need to continue to be highly aware of every move you make since being too rough once you’re inside can cause her considerable pain. You cannot thrust into her anus as hard as you would in her vagina. Take it easy and pay attention to how it is making her feel. If you get selfish and focus on your pleasure over her potential pain, this will probably be the last time you’ll have anal sex with her.

Avoiding the ick factor

Another reason why she may be against any anal action is that she may think it’s downright yucky. For some, the anus is a no-go zone and there’s nothing you can do to convince them otherwise, but if she’s just a bit squeamish about feces on the sheets (or you are) there are steps you can take to minimize that possibility.

Time it so that you are engaging in the act a few hours after she has evacuated the area and thoroughly cleaned up. You could even add a sexy shower or bath to the foreplay schedule to take care of this step. If she wants to go all out, she can try an anal douche to flush out anything icky that may be left behind.

Good girls don’t

You might also have a hard time convincing your girlfriend to have anal sex because she views it as deviant and not something a good girl would do. Although the taboo has faded considerably, there is still a prevailing attitude that anal sex is for bad, easy or slutty girls. If she’s worried about this, you need to assure her that you do not think of her that way and that your attitude would not change after the deed is done.

A note on porn and anal

Do not emulate porn stars when it comes to anal sex. Professional porn actresses are either stretched out in the sphincter or too high to notice the pain that results from the minimally lubed, no foreplay, extremely rough anal sex that almost always occurs in pornographic pictures. They may also have used a numbing cream or gel to dull the pain of anal intercourse. This is an extremely dumb idea, since pain is your body’s way of telling you that something is wrong. Even if she can’t feel it, the sex act could still be causing damage to very sensitive areas that will protest plenty once the numbing effect wears off. Plus, deadening the area with desensitizing cream also ensures that none of the pleasurable sensations will reach her either. If you’re not using a condom, it could dull the nerve-endings in your penis as well and what’s the point of doing it if you can’t feel the pleasure?

backdoor man

Convincing your girlfriend or wife to have anal sex might seem like a chore, but the key things to remember are to be sensitive to her needs, be prepared, be clean, and be safe. In the end, it’s worth the pain in the ass.



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