Holiday Gift Guide: Sex Toys for Christmas

I've realized that Christmas can be more than just dodging family, piling up debt, and indulging in too much food. It can also be about sex! Instead of gifting your partner high heels or cologne, surprise them with these fancy...

For me, the festive season has turned into awkward family gatherings with my unsettling Uncle Jim, who always asks, “When did you grow into such a woman?” and getting caught in the chaos at Wal-Mart multiple times, thanks to my mom's relentless hunt for bargains. Luckily, I've found that Christmas can be more than just avoiding family, racking up debt, and overeating. It can also be about sex! With all the focus on baby Jesus, shopping, and Santa, I almost forgot how wonderful it is to orgasm. But with a few select toys—many of which are listed below—I've been experiencing climaxes in my childhood bedroom like I was 15 again. All these orgasms have truly brought back my Christmas spirit. Who can be upset about not finding a parking spot at the mall or spending more on a gift for your in-law than they did for you when you've just had an incredible sexual release? Since Christmas is about giving, I want everyone to enjoy an orgasmic holiday season too. So here are my top sex toy picks available right now. Instead of gifting your partner high heels or cologne, delight them with these fantastic new pleasure devices.

I Rub My Duckie

This waterproof personal massager will blend seamlessly with all the childhood items your mother insists on keeping, hoping you'll eventually move back home. Additionally, airport security won't find it amusing when it appears on the x-ray machine.

TLC Eve’s Harness Strap-On

How can a girl portray Old Saint Nick without the necessary equipment? This strap-on includes a stylish crotchless harness and two dong attachments. This toy will bring a whole new meaning to sitting on Santa's lap this holiday season.

G-Vibe

Certainly, this vibrator resembles a Teletubby's hand, which isn't usually what I'd prefer for intimate use. However, unlike standard plastic models, it's uniquely crafted to target the perfect spot. It offers six distinct vibration modes and adjusts to each woman's needs. Introducing this to your partner shows genuine thoughtfulness.

Climax Silicone Vibrating Bum Beads

These are referred to as bum beads, a name that makes them sound much less intimidating than anal beads. Keep in mind, inserting items into your partner's butt should be the final step, similar to placing the star atop the Christmas tree. It's important to avoid any practice that involves going from the butt to the mouth or the vagina, as it is not healthy.

Precious Gems Jewelry Box Collection

If you're uncertain about which vibrator to choose for your lady this Christmas, this collection is ideal as it offers a variety of options. It includes a body massager, two sleeves, a multi-speed vibrating egg, and lubricating gel—making it a foolproof choice. The only drawback is that your girlfriend might give you less attention in the new year.

Michael Lucas After Hours Jessie Colter Anal Missionary Stroker

If your significant other is looking for a tight booty to pound missionay style, Michael Lucas has it. This ass and dick combo has all the perks of a good raw-dog one-night stand, without the threat of infectious diseases. If the lonely guy in your life isn’t much of a stocking stuffer, he can always put his gifts into Michael’s hole.

Ohmibod 3.Oh Music Vibrator

This vibrator has a microchip that allows it to vibrate to the beat of your favorite tunes. Hearing “Silent Night” for the 999th time just got a lot more bearable.

Love Swing

A swing designed for intimate encounters is the Christmas gift that continues to delight. Why opt for a ride in Santa's sleigh when you can enjoy a swing where you and your partner can intimately connect? Getting a sex swing will ensure your new year is filled with unforgettable intimate experiences.

Cyberskin Virtual Sex Ultra Big Ass Bang Doggie Style

If this were a gift for my boyfriend under the Christmas tree, he might disappear forever. While Santa's elves are skilled, I doubt their work can match what's being called "the most realistic pussy and ass available."

Club Vibe Wearable Vibrator

Occasionally, when I'm in a busy area, I find myself curious about how many women nearby might be using one of these discreet devices. I wish I had used one during my visit to see "The Best Man Holiday" last week, especially since Taye Diggs looked particularly appealing. This would make an excellent gift for your girlfriend, particularly if you're planning to introduce her to your parents at a family holiday dinner. With one of these, she'll navigate the evening with a smile and a lively attitude.

Penthouse Couples Satin and Scented Bondage Kit

If your partner is unfamiliar with gimp suits and safe words, this is an excellent way to add excitement to your intimate moments without overwhelming them. Begin with this bondage kit this Christmas, and by Valentine’s Day, you could be exploring more adventurous activities together.